Musings On a World Where Homosexuality is Funnier Than...Anything

Teenagers. For the past 2 years they have absolutely been the bane of my existence. At 17, obviously I am a teenager, but I'd say that for the past two years I haven't been able to even remotely relate to at least 90% of my teenager peers. That is, of course, due to a variety of factors. The biggest of those factors being that I really just don't WANT to relate to them. Of course, I'd probably be a lot happier if I was like the 'normal' teenagers I'm surrounded by, having a large group of friends, watching Glee every night, gushing over how hilarious Get Him to the Greek was (which it wasn't, to me). However, I choose not to live this life. I choose to be the book reading, World of Warcraft playing, early graduating, feminist teenage freak that I am. Another factor blocking my ability to relate with my peers is the fact that I am a young feminist, and therefore view the world through a feminist lens. It's not even always that I'm a feminist, I'm just socially aware, and I think past the surface of things. Because of this, I'm kind of a party pooper. I tend to see the negative in many things my peers do, watch, listen to, support, etc. And I'm constantly told to not 'take things so seriously!'. But I figure, if I'm not going to be the one with the stick in my ass, if I'm not going to be the one to educate you about the things you don't think about (or care about), who is? I have to deal with the social effects of being this person. My 'No Homo' post is an example of this. That's something I mostly wanted to let my peers know about, because they are the ones I hear it from the most.

Today I'm writing about something that my 'No Homo' really got me thinking about. It's something that I've been observing for a verrrry long time now, but writing that piece really got my mind working on it. However, before I delve into this topic, here's a little background information:

I went to an art high school, so the dynamics of my high school experience were a little different than most peoples. Obviously, high school is high school. But still, my school was different. I graduated early, mostly out of pure frustration, and I don't blame that completely on my actual school. It was more just that a person like me and the high school environment don't get along very well. Looking at my high school, you could say that it is full of the traditional adolescent 'rejects': the theater geeks, the band geeks, the artsy kids. We're the ones that most pubescent focused media represents as outcasts, not exactly the ones running the school. So at my art high school, you could say that those dynamics were switched around. There, us 'outcasts' are given an environment where WE get to run things, regardless of the social standing our high school groups put us in. So things were different. And the topic I'm bringing up may not apply to other high schoolers, it may very well be limited to my school, or even my type of school. But this is a large phenomena that I observed at my school.

Here's what I observed: almost every single 'straight' male at my school joked about being gay. All. The. Time. I am not exaggerating. And these jokes were made with each other. And these are immature people, so things would get ridiculous. They were constantly just making jokes about being gay for each other, making references to each others penises, dry humping each other or miming anal and oral sex, just a constant barrage of this kind of behavior. And they all thought it was soo hilarious! The guys that did this the most were considered the funniest people in school, even though this was ALWAYS their shtick. Obviously, you could say that this is just teenage immaturity, undeveloped senses of humor. But the amount of this that went on makes me think that it was something else. I can't begin to express to someone who didn't go to my school how constant this was. I have broken things down into 2 possible reasons why this kind of behavior went on:

1. These people were legitimately making fun of homosexuality. They didn't respect it at all, they thought of it as merely a thing of humor, not something that really exists and should be viewed seriously and chose to put their ignorance out through 'humor'.

2. They were scared of being called gay, so they figured that if they joked about it all the time, no one would think they were.

Let's look at the first one. Ignorance is so often hid in humor. I mean, we've all heard a ton of racist/homophobic/transphobic/sexist/you name it jokes. People tell me sexist jokes all the time, in an attempt to get a rise out of me (the most popular one at the moment being the women=sandwhich maker jokes). But that's another story. Right now we're looking at homophobia hidden in humor. Here are some of our most beloved homophobes trying to be funny about their ignorance:

“Democrats will bend over, grab the ankles, and say, ‘Have your way with me’ to African-Americans and gays." — Rush Limbaugh


"So this is just the beginning, ladies and gentlemen, of this crazy gay marriage insanity -- is gonna lead to all kinds of things like this. Courts are gonna be clogged. Every nut in the world is gonna -- somebody's gonna come in and say, 'I wanna marry the goat.'" - Bill O'Reilly

"How many badges of honor do you have in your colon?" - Jeff Vandergrift

"Adam and Eve, not Adam and STEVE! Haha!" - teacher of the Confirmation class my mom tried to make me take when I was a sophomore


Okay so the last one isn't exactly beloved, but you catch the drift. These people are ignorant, they are homophobic, but they are masking this behind trying to make people laugh, as if that's better than using outright hate speech (although, to me, that seems pretty outright). This is something that is seen in so many outlets. And especially with the comments directed towards our perception of what gay sex is like, you can tell that these people don't take homosexuality seriously at all. They think it is all just a big joke. They don't respect gay people. And I think that is especially prominent with the sex thing. Anal and oral sex are perceived to be all that homosexuality is. And of course, they're humorous, not to be taken seriously, because nothing is funnier that a legitimate form of intimacy. They also ignore that anal and oral sex are DEFINITELY used by heterosexual couples as well. Also, through ignorant homophobic comedy, gay stereotypes are used. Comedy is made about what society's general perception of homosexuality is. This perception is incredibly ignorant.

Let's look at the second reason I see behind this behavior. My school is thought of throughout Las Vegas as the 'gay school'. Because what's gayer than culture? But of course, looking at things from the 'social outcast' point of view, and looking at things through high school stereotypes, it is the 'gay school'. I mean, what's the most prominent stereotype for male theater kids? Gay. And this can be applied throughout the rest of the school. Of course this is ridiculous, but that's how the school is looked at. I don't want to repeat myself because I pretty much explained all this in my 'No Homo' piece, but, to summarize, with the ridiculous standards of masculinity men are facing these days, one of the biggest fears is to be thought of as gay, because nothing shatters false masculinity quite like that. It's the Lil Wayne/No Homo paradigm! Scared of being called gay? Joke about it first, then they'll never suspect you. These boys feel like they need to over-assert their 'masculinity' in order to shed the image given to them by the school they attend. It's sad, really.

I just see so much of this shit coming from these guys, and I wonder, WHY IS BEING GAY THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD? I don't think the lives of those who identify as LGBT have qualities that are any funnier than the lives of those who identify as hetero/cissexual. But of course, I'm looking at things through my feminist lens, which makes me see past ugly stereotypes. And at the end of the day, I would rather take things too seriously than be ignorant

Definitely Homo.

A few days ago I noticed that some of my friends on Facebook had 'liked' a page called The Official Rules of "No Homo". I went to the page and saw that it had 28,236 fans and counting. Now me not being a big fan of this phrase and wanting to take any chance I could to address it, I decided to leave a message on the page. Now, looking back at how I worded said message I realize that I could have and should have been a bit more diplomatic about things. However, going into it I knew I was dealing with teenagers, and teenagers don't often respond well to diplomacy so I though it best to skip that stage. Also I was in a bit of a rotten mood due to several factors. Anyway I shouldn't have handled it the way I did, but here was my attempt at enlightenment:

"I think it's so funny that all the guys on here are SO insecure in their masculinity that they feel the need to casually use this phrase. Are you that afraid of anything that could cast a shadow of doubt on your sexuality? This is just as bad as calling something 'gay' as a synonym for lame or whatever. THINK about what you say before you say it, THINK about the power of words, and freaking think about the homophobic community from which this phrase came from."

Obviously, the Rules of No Homo community did not accept my statement. But before I move on in my story, let's talk about this phrase, where it came from, how it's used, and what exactly is wrong with it.

Now my information may be wrong, so correct me if it is, but apparently the phrase "no homo" was started by Lil Wayne. He's blessed our ears with gems such as this:

"Got money out the ass / No homo but I'm rich."

A modern Bob Dylan indeed.

Apparently his 'no homo' business started a while after this picture surfaced of him kissing a fellow male rapper:



This makes his motives ridiculously clear. Whether or not people were legitimately questioning his sexuality after this photo came out (NO PUN INTENDED LOL), he clearly felt threatened and needed to assert his 'straightness' through creating this phrase and hiding it in somewhat humorous context (note that I don't think it's humorous, but clearly some people do). It's an assertion of his masculinity, and it represents this global fear caused by society's ridiculous standards of masculinity to never EVER have your sexuality questioned or to even be associated with something 'gay'. The hip hop community that Lil Wayne is a part of (and I struggle to call it hip hop because MY idea of hip hop is A Tribe Called Quest and Sage Francis) is very much affected by these lofty and dangerous standards of masculinity. They feel the need to constantly be asserting their masculinity whether it's through their flaunting their overworked bodies or rapping about controlling their women. And someone who is constantly portraying himself as this strong, traditionally masculine figure is of course going to fear being called gay, as being gay is the considered the polar opposite of the image they're trying to convey (fear? gay? sounds like homophobia to me!).

Now, I know a lot of people who use 'no homo', and they aren't homophobic, they're using it to be funny. But they're referencing something coming from a place of pure homophobia and therefore fanning the flames. And a lot of people other than Lil Wayne are using it because of hate. Reading the comments on the Official Rules of "No Homo" page showed this quite clearly. You can go read this official rules for yourself, I'm not going to waste page space by posting them, but I will post the last rule:

10. You can never say "No Homo" enough. Always cover your tracks.

"Always cover your tracks". Nice. And going through the comments I found some other gems, ones that Lil Wayne would surely be proud of, things like "Butts are only for shitting!!!", "how about, lets not be Homo and cover yur butt. :)", "Adam & Eve, not Adam & Steve.", "better safe than gay", and of course...."fuck homos". These aren't statements made by people who think 'no homo' is funny. These are statements made by ignorant fuckers people. The rules have a disclosure at the beginning:

*Please note that before you read this, realize that this page was created solely for the purpose of enjoyment and I do not wish this to come at the cost of Homosexuals. I have many Homosexual friends and wish nothing but the best for them. Everyone is entitled to their own views and choices. With that I present the OFFICIAL Rules of "No Homo"

An obvious attempt clear these peoples names of being homophobes or just plain ignorant. Doesn't cut it for me. I think that just not using 'no homo' would do it. And in reference to my statement, that's the argument that most people used, just reposting the disclaimer as if that was enough to prove me wrong. They also denied my comparison to using gay as a synonym for lame saying there was nothing wrong with that. And, of course, I was called a homo. And they made fun of my profile picture.

its cool that you feel insecure to show your face so you use that effect that doesnt make anyone laugh

In reference to:


Because, obviously, the fact that I don't feel the need to make my profile picture something saucy means I'm insecure. Sorry that I have better things to do with my life than take serious pictures of myself all day.

What I noticed though in the retorts to my statement was that no one actually argued their cause, no one made a case as to why 'no homo' isn't ignorant and damaging. And I think this says something.

So let's think about cutting back on the 'no homo' craze. I'm not saying everyone who uses it is using it from a place of ignorance, some people just think it's funny. But it's a reference to something a lot bigger than that, it's a reference to hate. And the power of words shouldn't be looked over.